Excuse My Lady Boner...

Ross with his Freebie List; The One with Frank Jr.

Last night, Tarzan and I were having a conversation with Celeste in which we brought up the episode of FRIENDS where Ross and Rachel each have a 'Freebie List' of celebrities they are allowed to fuck with zero repercussions from the other person. If you're a fan of FRIENDS, you know how badly Ross screws up the one chance he has to sleep with one of his celebrity crushes. Oh, and Lil Frankie Jr. thinks his big sis Phoebe works at one of "those massage parlors". I swear, my favorite perk of adulthood is catching all the dirty jokes in television I never understood when I was younger. 😂

Inspired by the tv couple's shenanigans, we decided to also have our own freebie lists. It's a ten year running joke but what I have learned applying this silly little idea to real life is Ross was ridiculous for laminating his list. You know how many times my list has changed over the years? It's like a list that works more like a revolving door. One hops out, another hops in, some just keep going around and around. Green Bay Packers' Linebacker, Clay Matthews was on the list for awhile, but with the emergence of a certain long haired sex god plus some loyalties that may never change, he's now booted. Which was probably some Ross type shit considering where I live would make him one of the most easily accessible, but whatever. It's my fantasy freebie list and I'll fuck who I want, right?

Being bisexual and his spoiled baby girl, Tarzan allowed me to actually have two lists; one of my male picks and one of my female picks. This was good too because if I was narrowed to five spots for all genders of celebrities I would like to heavily pet, I would probably change my list daily.

So today, I decided to share my male Freebie List with my female list, and maybe Tarzan's list, coming at a later date. It's currently fairly solid and hasn't changed much in awhile so it will give you a fairly good look into the inner workings of my lustful mind.

#5 Dane Cook

My friends and I discovered Dane Cook's comedy in high school and I've been in lust with him ever since. His vulgar mouth, arrogant smirk, and 'don't give a fuck' attitude have me believing this man would be the ultimate expert in raunchy dirty talk.

#4 Alexander Skarsgard

I have a serious thing for vampires. Anne Rice's Lestat di Lioncourt, Keifer Sutherland as David in The Lost Boys, and True Blood's Eric fucking Northman. I am not one for bloodplay and although my kinks are evolving and developing, I don't see that changing. What I love about vampires is the primal instincts. True Blood took the sexual aspects of being a dangerous hunter and added the much needed sex missing from my romance with Lestat. Alexander Skarsgard wasn't the only seductive vampire in that show, but his bad boy character mixed with other roles he has done leaves me wanting to explore all the parts of him.

#3 Jason Momoa

This sexy beast of a man has been getting a lot of attention lately for his role as Aquaman. We've all seen the image of him emerging from water looking every bit like a sex god of the sea, but my interest in him was first peaked in Game of Thrones in his role as Khal Drogo. That show, as well as his character, drew concern from some. I personally know a couple people who refuse to watch the show because of the violence portrayed against women but as a smutty writer with a kinky mind, I thought the story was great. No, I don't condone violence or rape or arranged marriages. But the two characters take a situation they were forced in, learned from each other, and grew together in love. For me, any man that can take a strong willed, but broken woman, and make her feel cherished and safe is a good man in my book. (Hello Tarzan, I see you. 😉)

#2 Brock O'Hurn

I'll be totally honest and admit I don't know what this guy does. I think he does some acting, definitely modeling but I have to be real and say this one is purely the basic white girl in me who found a really hot guy on social media. From drinking coffee, working out, sitting on his motorcycle, to posing with puppies, kids, and his loved ones, he looks damn good doing it. His personality appears sweet and caring. I imagine he would be supportive, hilarious, and maybe even nurturing. But a man with that bod also has some serious testosterone flowing through his system and I feel pretty confident I could bring those primal instincts out of him.

#1 JOE MANGANIELLO 😍

So take everything I've found drool-worthy about the other four and mix it all up; you have my idea of Joe. And while I imagine all of these men to be dominant, Joe is the one I imagine tossing me around the room like a doll. True Blood is responsible for the start of this crush too with their scenes of him fucking his alpha female (His character is a werewolf for those of you who haven't seen it). Again, it's the dominating, primal instincts thing. And who didn't love the scene of him dancing to Backstreet Boys in Magic XXL? Or any scene of him dancing to be honest? I'll even be sappy enough to admit that his marriage to Sophia Vergara looks all sorts of cutesy and makes me happy. Mostly cause I know from my own personal experience that us cutesy couples are some of the dirtiest behind closed doors.

So there you have it! My Top 5 List of most fuckable male celebrities through my eyes. I don't know if this tells you anything at all about me or if it is simply just a small list of eye candy. Or hell, maybe you think I'm totally crazy and you don't see what I see in these men at all. Either way, comment below to leave me your thoughts on composing your own 'Freebie List'.

This post is part of #JanuaryJumpStart. Click the image below for more erotic works!